The Unlikely Friendships of a Lifetime

A pastor, a beer drinker, and two perfect women walk into a bar ...

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I remember the first time I talked with Nelson Jenkins while serving as a youth pastor (shocking, I know) in a small Oklahoma town called Kingfisher.

My church had partnered with a national company for a summer mission trip to Denver, Colorado, and somehow this fast-talking guy with a Boston accent found out we’d be there, got my phone number, and decided to call me to introduce himself. And for whatever reason, he thought we should get together when we all arrived. It was a bit odd and creepy, but it’s been said that God works in mysterious ways.

I was like, OK, whatever. Our conversation was good, though I was skeptical, and when we hung up, I mostly forgot about it.

On the day of our arrival, this goofy-looking older guy with an excited, ADHD-type behavior came up to me and gave me a hug. It was Nelson from Rochester, New York, and he boldly proclaimed all of our guys were gonna be bunk mates. Again, it felt weird, but I was new to ministry and figured this was how people did things, so I just shrugged it off because I was tired from a very long, stressful drive.

By the way, if you’ve never hauled a dozen junior high and high school kids in a 15-passenger church van for 680 miles, it will certainly test and stretch your faith!!!

Over the next few days, as my wife and I served alongside him, I really got to know Nelson. He had a wife and four children and was a devout Christian, but despite his seriousness about all things God, he was also like a 12-year-old boy, filled with energy and fun. We were constantly cracking jokes and doing things that ministers typically don’t do.

When we were asked to preach at a soup kitchen serving homeless people in the area, Nelson crafted an incredible sermon from scratch, while I, on the other hand, talked about how life sometimes kicks you in the balls, but you gotta keep going. The look on his horrified yet giggling face was priceless!

We were so different yet similar, and after a week, we had built a solid friendship.

Several months later, our paths would cross again at a national youth conference in North Carolina, where we met his wife for the first time. Somehow, we all just clicked, and it felt like we had been friends for decades.

Just like Donetta, Susie Jenkins was a quiet and straight-laced woman with a gentle spirit. Her demeanor was much different than Nelson’s, and I had to laugh that both of us guys had managed to marry the complete opposite of who we were.

During our time together in North Carolina, Donetta and I had mentioned we felt like leaving our church. We loved the youth and the people, but the new pastor was causing problems, and the joy of serving in Kingfisher was quickly eroding. Without missing a beat, both Jenkins looked at us and said,

“Why don’t you come to New York and stay with us until you find your next place to go?”

Keep in mind, I had only met Nelson once, we had known Susie for a few hours, and none of us had any clue if any of us were serial killers in some twisted religious cult. Now they are inviting my entire family to move across the country to live with them. OY!

And as good Christians do, we said we’d pray about it.

Weeks later, as we were literally considering their offer and had a call about this prospective move, I tried my best to make them aware of what they might be in for with the Dalman family, but they were undeterred. We asked questions. Asked more questions. Then we said YES. It was both scary and exciting to think about this adventure.

Only days later, I realized I had forgotten to mention the fifth member of our band, a Siberian Husky named Nikki. Ooops! That could be the deal breaker. They were still crazy enough to let us stay.

On January 3rd, 2004, we arrived in Walworth, New York, in a fully loaded Honda Passport after days of driving through snow and ice. It was like a grand homecoming, filled with joyful wonder and incredible excitement, as we were welcomed into their home and lives.

Because they had an in-law edition downstairs, with a separate living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom, it worked for us all. We gelled in a way that most families will never experience, and we had the ride of a lifetime.

And what was supposed to be a short stay turned into 14 months of fun.

I think Nelson is still getting counseling for that decision. LOL

. . . ♥️ . . .

While my days of ministry are long gone and I feel much differently about religion, without a doubt, I can say this friendship was a blessing orchestrated by a divine power that knew exactly what we needed and when we needed it. I’m truly grateful for it.

To this day, we are still close friends, and we spent last week with them at their parsonage in Meriden, Iowa, where Nelson is the pastor of Meriden EFC, and Susie continues to serve their community. They took us out to explore, stopping at Backdraft Bar & Grill in Holstein for some of the best pizza we’ve ever eaten, as well as the Regatta Grill in Storm Lake, where we enjoyed delicious wings and appetizers.¹

I also might have gotten him fired!

One evening, the worship band was practicing in the church, and I told Nelson I should go in and test them by pretending to be a homeless person looking for food. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge prankster. He agreed with one condition — no cursing. The prank was on.

As I slowly walked into the sanctuary where they played, I started to dance slowly in a cosmic circle, waving my arms and swaying to the music, hoodie and hat over my head. I saw a woman smile before the guitarist and bassist looked at each other with eyes as big as softballs. Then someone said, “Nice interpretive dance; can we help you?”

In my worst redneck drunk voice possible, I responded.

“I’m hungry. Can you get me some food? I want a Big Mac. Can you get me a Happy Meal? Jesus said that all who are hungry and come to Him shall be fed!”

Silence. Wild stares. Fear in their eyes.

The guitar player asked me, “How did you get in here? Where are you from?”

I said, “Jesus sent me from the fields,” and as he reached for his phone or pistol, I started cracking up as Nelson came running up behind me, realizing it was his boss. Of course, it never occurred to me that this could be a bad decision on my part. Ask for forgiveness, am I right? We haven’t heard back from him since he preached on Sunday. Maybe they’ll be living in the tan van with us.

But what I really want to share is how much I love the Jenkins.

They adopted a bunch of misfits from Oklahoma and gave us a home, fed us meals, helped us when we were in pain, and loved us regardless of who we were. They have shown us a faith that is real and true, have been generous with everything they own, and have never judged me (remember, Donetta is a saint) for being who I am. In my lifetime experience, this is rare in the Christian world, despite that lifestyle being the very gospel that Jesus preached for His people to embody.

The Jenkins are not perfect. But they are close.

Well, except for Nelson.

That guy IS off the charts! 🤪

In all seriousness, we are fortunate to have them as friends, especially when real friendship is almost impossible to find these days, especially while living in a van. We appreciate them more than they know. We are lucky.

That said, I hope you have your own “Jenkins” in your lives, people who allow you to be yourself and will be there for you when you need it most, no questions asked, regardless of your beliefs or lifestyle. Who loves you no matter what.

If you don’t, I hope you find them.

And if you can’t, show up on Nelson and Susie’s doorstep. Tell them James the Great sent you for a Happy Meal and a hug. They’d love it. ♥️

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1. Seriously, Backdraft makes amazing pizzas. We loved the Crab Rangoon, Brisket, and All Meat options. Plus, it was $24 for a 20” pizza! The Regatta Grill also served great food. So yeah, we highly recommend them.