Thirty Five Years Later. ♥️
Long hair. Big hair. Living on a Prayer. We're still here.
I still remember the first time I met Donetta Wikoff.
It was in the fall of 1986 during my Sophomore year. My girlfriend at the time, and her best friend, wanted to us to meet in the Western Heights Junior High bus parking lot before we went home for the day. She was 14 and a nice girl with a friendly smile, but other than that brief moment, we didn’t really connect beyond that.
It wasn’t until Donetta became a sophomore that I started to see her around school, but it was my senior year and upperclassmen didn’t normally fraternize with younger students because it wasn’t cool. Interestingly though, and for reasons I cannot explain other than I knew her, she started sitting at my lunch table with me and some of my friends. We were OK with it.
What’s even more perplexing was that this sweet and inncocent girl, who constantly earned straight A’s and was the teacher’s pet, had a desire to socialize with a troubled and rebellious stoner guy who hated most of his teachers. Why would such a good girl intentionally choose to spend time with such a bad boy? It was like we were Danny and Sandy from Grease.
It didn’t make any logical sense, but almost every single day, there we were, eating lunch together while sharing our lives in the most uncommon of friendships.
Donetta would listen to my crazy stories of drunkenness and debauchery, while she would share about her life and activities beyond school. She’d also tell me that she graded my papers for my science teacher and that I was smarter than that and could apply myself better. Some things never change! 😝
Eventually, our friendship grew stronger, and outside of school lunch.
We’d spend hours talking on the phone — when you actually had to dial the number and sit tethered to the wall with a landline. We talked about anything and everything. Nothing was off limits. Then during those moments I saw her in person, we’d often share a hug while keeping those conversations going, and despite being worlds apart in almost every way, I started to fall in love with her.
Only she had a boyfriend.
He was a guy whom she’d dated for a couple of years, but their relationship was on shaky ground. Donetta was unhappy and constantly talked about breaking up with him. Even though I had feelings for her and saw an opportunity to move in, I did what best friends do: I convinced her to give him another shot and try to make it work. And they did.
Now remember, I’m NOT a stellar student, and the sheer magnitude of my dumbass idea still has me scratching my head like some shaved ape. What was I thinking? 🤷♂️
Regardless, Donetta and I remained friends for the rest of the year, and then in May of 1988, I somehow managed to graduate, probably because my teachers hated me and figured it was easier to kick me out than to keep me there. It seemed our time together was finally over.
But fate would not have it.
After fighting so damn hard to leave Western Heights, and for another reason that cannot be explained, one of my buddies convinced me to go back to watch a high school football game with him in August. I guess we were bored.
As we climbed to the top of the bleachers, there was Donetta, looking beautiful in the stands with her perfectly poofy 80s hair and gorgeous smile! She ran over and gave me a hug. We reconnected in way that was electric and exciting. And now she was single.
Donetta asked us to join her and her friends at the high school dance afterward, which felt really awkward given we had graduated, but I wanted to see more of her, so we agreed to stop by. That’s when I told my friend one day she would be my girlfriend. He replied it would never happen and that she’d never go for a guy like me!
After the game, we arrived at the dance we should probably never have been at, but I found Donetta and her friends dancing on the floor and went to see her.
That’s when it happened.
The lights went down low, the DJ said it was time for a slow dance, and Cheap Trick’s The Flame started to play. She grabbed my hand and asked me to dance. As we embraced each other, we stared deeply into each other’s eyes, getting closer and closer until we kissed. 💋
It was one of the best nights of my entire life, and at some point, I asked her if she would be my girlfriend. She said YES!!
Only a week later, she broke it off.
She told me it was too soon after her two-year relationship with the other guy and that she needed time before committing again, and while I understood her reasons, I was absolutely devastated. I decided it was time for me to accept reality and move on.
Since I was still heartbroken and my 18th birthday was coming up, I decided to throw a big ass party at my house to help me get over it. I invited all my closest friends, bought more beer and alcohol than we could ever drink, and told them to show up when they were thirsty. Maybe this would help me start fresh and get over things.
Fate intervened again.
Donetta, along with my ex-girlfriend, decided to show up for the party. I don’t remember if I actually invited them or not, but there they were. Sometime later, in what felt like some weird intervention, my ex took me aside to my room and asked me to give Donetta another chance because she did want to be with me.
Wait! What???
I was so confused.
Then, like some perfectly orchestrated plan, Donetta walked back to my room, stood in the doorway, and asked if we could talk. She apologized. We talked. Then we kissed. A lot.
That was September 17, 1988. We’ve been together ever since.
Three months later, in what had to be the most romantic proposal ever as we sat on my parent’s couch watching TV, and at the wise old age of 18, I asked her to marry me. I didn’t really have a plan but I did have a $199 ring from Montgomery Wards and one hell of a mullet. And at her mature age of 16, with her beautiful blue eyes, she said yes.
Three years later we made it official.
We were married on May 25, 1991. ♥️
35 years ago today.
It seems highly unlikely that such young people, two high school sweethearts living on a prayer, could make it together, let alone 35 years as a married couple. But here we are!
Our road has not been an easy one.
We have endured difficult struggles, suffered through battles, and faced a lot of uncertainty in our relationship, yet our love for each other has remained strong, and it has kept us going through all the hardships.
Our marriage is not perfect either.
Some days, we butt heads like battling rams because we are both so damn stubborn, and quite frankly, I’m too dumb to see my mistakes or admit them. We fight, make up, and move on. Good times. Bad Times. Just like a Led Zeppelin song.
Which reminds me. Because we are so cool, our wedding songs were Thank You by Led Zeppelin and Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. 🤘
All that said, we have lived an epic life together, and I’m extremely fortunate that a woman could even love me like Donetta does. I think she’s the crazy one in our road life adventure together! She is wonderful and I love her.
Happy Anniversary to the love of my life.
The mother of my children. The keeper of my heart. The never ending voice of reason.
I hope we get many more days and epic adventures together!
Love,
James
Way to go, James! I'm glad those crazy teenage details worked themselves out for you and Donetta and that you've been able to stick with it for so many years! We're working toward our 51st and love to see other couples with the same kind of commitment.